Choosing

Let's just start off by getting dresses for the past couple of days out of the way.  Thursday was Hannah's senior night for basketball.  I was aware that I somewhat had to look more "normal" in my dress so that when we stood in front of the crowd, I wouldn't embarrass Hannah.  

I am not sure that this qualifies as a dress.  It is meant to be a dress, but at my age, I think this would be categorized as a long shirt.  Thank goodness for leggings.  This whole outfit I bought new at Forever 21 in Vegas.  I first spotted the dress with a bow at the collar and once again, had to buy it.  I also have a weakness for polka dots and well, it seemed to pair nicely, so I just had to purchase them both.  I do like this outfit a lot.  It might be a little young for me, but my inside is much younger than I appear.  Did I just admit to being immature????

*FYI - Hannah had an awesome senior night.  She was high point man for the game.  What a way to end her high school basketball career at home.

Friday was mostly spent doing the mundane.  I have been longing to go see the Hobbit and suggested that we catch the early movie that evening.  It is a rare thing not to have somewhere we HAVE to be.  My offer was met with mixed emotion.  After being gone so much, it's hard to be motivated to do anything but sit at home.  I was a little disappointed by the reaction I received.  David went out to chore and I shortly got a call to "Go get ready.  You deserve a night out."  So that is exactly what I/we did!  It was nice to spend the night together as a family having fun.  Truth be told, I was actually disappointed in the movie, but never in my man's willingness to go out of his way to make me happy.  Love ya, David.

 Aside from my cardigan and leggings, the rest of my outfit was all thrifted.  Even the boots were a hand-me-down from my daughter's friend.  Are you ever too old for hand-me-downs?

Now, in the spirit of being truthful, Saturday was super hard for me.  It sounds apocalyptic, doesn't it?  It kind of felt that way.  I have to admit it was the first day that I've truly HATED wearing a dress.  I didn't love what I was wearing - maybe that is why it slipped my mind to take a picture - and as I sat and looked at all of the normal ladies around me in their cute levis, I felt frumpy, dumpy, and like the rotten apple in the basket. This feeling hit me mid-afternoon during Herman's basketball game.  It would have been okay if after the game I was headed home and could hide, but we had a reception to go to and then out to dinner.  I hated being seen in public.  It probably sounds superficial, but it overshadowed the nice events that I was attending and I couldn't wait to go home and get into my pajamas.

I am pretty determined to try and wear a dress everyday for as long as possible, but I can still choose to be done whenever I want.  Part of this experiment for me, is to try and understand those ladies that by religious or cultural beliefs are made to wear a dress everyday.  I understand that it is still ultimately their own choice whether or not to wear a dress, but is it really more a consequence of a much bigger choice......or possibly a lack of choice, just by being born into the circumstances that they are?  It takes a very strong person to change that in which they were born into and define it for themselves.  To choose something that is beyond the scope of what is expected can be brutally painful and isolating.  I spent a lot of time thinking of  these ladies and wondering what I would do if I were in the same situation.  Would it be worth the social backlash to own that decision or would it be easier to just work through the confinement felt by certain aspects of belief?  Then, I was at least grateful for the freedom of expression that I have through my own dress wearing.  I can wear a long dress, a short dress,  or a very colorful dress.  I am not held back by religious or cultural constraints in any way.  Although I do realize that my age can be a barrier in some forms of expression when it comes to attire.

Just my thoughts for today.  As I sit in my house coat and watch the snow come down, I am happy to know that whatever attire I CHOOSE to wear, I am at least free to do so.  It is my choice and I am grateful for that.  Choosing to continue this crazy psycho-social experiment is not always going to be easy but trying to understand and examine something new usually isn't.  So for now, I am going to press on, regardless of how frumpy and dumpy I look.